Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
