I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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