I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
