cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize