there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
