You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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