Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
