If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
