So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
