You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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