I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
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Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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