rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
