A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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