Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize