Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's the barista slut.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
