I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.