My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
