i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!