Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
