I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
