my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
