I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
