Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
