whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
