Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
