is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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