hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
