Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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