ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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