Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
