then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I AM VODKA MAN
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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