Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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