Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
