I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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