I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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