96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
