Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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