guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
