Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
