Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He passed out mid-signature
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
