my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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