so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
