I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I did not marry a roomba.
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