I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
