this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
