you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
