Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
