I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
foreskin is a definite game changer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
