Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
