I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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