Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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