I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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