I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I didn't notice because vodka
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
