your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm at about main and main street
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
