I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
