i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
