She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
