Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
