Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
where am i from again
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
