my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
