We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
