So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
