Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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