It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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