Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
