I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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