i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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