You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
