Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
