mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
