Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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