I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
