theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
