my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
