You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
